Thursday, May 21, 2015

The Writer's Voice 2015 - Ghosts of Rag & Bone (YA - contemporary fantasy, 85,500 words complete)

Query

Lauren Rousseau doesn't want to be her sister's keeper, but somebody has to watch Wendi. Ever since Grandmother Winifred ended up in a Sacramento care facility, just two hours away from Lauren and her family in Reno, Wendi has gone missing.

Their parents don't see the changes in blond, athletic Wendi. Their freelance painter father is trying to balance advertising work with his own art. Their CPA mother is trying to expand her business. If anything they might think Wendi is a little more daydreamy and disconnected than usual, but she's 17. They expect it. 

It's Lauren who sees that her older sister's lost interest in her passions, like running, playing softball and teasing Lauren. And there's the way the family cats react to her, hissing, growling and running away. The way Wendi seems to fade until she's almost transparent. The way she doesn't talk anymore, or eat. Or smile. The way, sometimes, she's not there at all.

Lauren also sees Wendi's terror every time the family visits Winifred, the way Grandmother perks up at the same time Wendi shuts down. The facility staff is thrilled to see the family arrive, every time; family visits change Winifred's violent bad days into good ones. Their father is awed by his older daughter's effect on his mother. Only Lauren sees Wendi's repulsion as their bitter, angry grandmother strokes her face and calls her pretty, and steals something from her, every time. By the end of each visit, Wendi is a little more wraith, a little less Wendi. A little less of a sister, or anything at all.

Lauren sees their grandmother looking back from her sister's eyes, sees Grandmother become alert as Wendi becomes unresponsive, and Lauren believes the impossible is happening: Grandmother Winifred is taking Wendi's life. When Winifred's health declines and Wendi starts disappearing physically, Lauren is ready to do anything to save her sister, even follow her into worlds that exist only in the imagination of the three Rousseau women, real worlds that appear when there's need and disappear without warning, the same way memory does.

I am a member of Oregon Writer's Network, and a graduate of Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop. A long-time desert rat, I live in Reno, where Ghosts of Rag & Bone is set. To date I've sold 145 short stories, to anthologies and magazines, including a story in "Ghost Writing: Haunted Tales by Contemporary Writers," which also featured stories by John Updike, Peter Straub and T.C. Boyle, and a story in Cosmos (circ. 300,000). As a ghostwriter, I've seen 18 nonfiction books come to print.

I've pasted the first 250 words of Ghosts of Rag & Bone after this letter, and can provide a full synopsis. Ghosts of Rag & Bone is a YA contemporary fantasy, complete at 85,500 words. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely, 

Jennifer Rachel Baumer


The first 250 words 
 
           The frayed wood sign over the shop door read: "Remains: Rags & Bones" and Lauren wanted – maybe needed – to see what wonders waited inside. She knew in the back of her mind she ought to wait for Wendi. If she were honest with herself, it wasn't even back of the mind stuff. It was front and center. She needed to wait for her sister. Her mother had turned them loose within the cul-de-sac of eclectic Sacramento shops and only because the street looked like a craft fair, self-contained and crowded. Even then they were only to be out of mother's sight for a short time and with the prohibition that they go nowhere without each other.
            It was hardly any kind of freedom at all except Lauren knew how very easy it was to slip away from her careless, dreamy sister. So they wandered together, until something distracted Wendi.
            The inside of the shop was dark, and colder than she expected. When the bell over the door chimed a voice called from somewhere in the back, "Make yourself at home," or maybe it was, "Make yourself a gnome," which totally made as much sense as anything else she might expect in the crazy, jumbled shop she'd stumbled into.
            Just a quick look around to identify all the clearly unrelated glories and she'd go find Wendi.
            The sunlight shoved its way into the shop with her, then hung suspended, seemingly uncertain how to proceed under the weight of dust.

25 comments:

  1. Wow. This sounds absolutely incredible. Like seriously.

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  2. This is highly creative! Great 250! Good Luck!

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  3. Good luck in the competition! (What’s your genre and word count, btw? Your query doesn’t detail that, and the judges will need to know that information. And, are you on Twitter?)

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  4. Thanks for the comments! I'm on Twitter as Jennfire6. The novel is YA urban fantasy.

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    1. You probably need to edit your entry so the genre and word count are easy for the judges/coaches to find (I don't expect they'll go looking through the comments for it). Also, a lot of us entrants are hanging out at #TheWVoice over on Twitter – come and join in the fun! :o)

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  5. Thanks, Annette - edited the blog title and the query. Heading over to Twitter.

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  6. Quick question: Is this really an Urban Fantasy? Could it possibly be a Contemporary Fantasy? Is there another world hidden within theirs? The premise is enticing but I was confused at how it can be UF.

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    1. It's contemporary. I got used to urban fantasy as a catchall for anything not quest fantasy.

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  7. And I know you mention another world through the Rousseau's eyes, but in their imagination. But does it truly exist?

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    1. Both, really -- it's something the sisters learned to do without knowing their grandmother had the same ability, to create a world and go into it for as long as needed, a world that then fades like memory does. Which I like better as an explanation, but is long for a query, isn't it? Thank you for the feedback/questions. Do I change query as we go forward or leave it as is and take notes? First time in this contest and happy to be here!

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    2. I'd change it to Contemporary Fantasy now. It does make a difference to me.

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    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    4. Edits made to query letter. Change to subgenre, change to explanation of worlds the sisters visit.

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    5. You might want to change the genre in the header as well. :o)

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  8. This sounds amazing--story and writing. I'm a fantasy girl and a CNA/PSS, working with the elderly and those with dementia and Alzheimer's. I'd so keep reading. Good luck!

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  9. Hi! I'm your neighbor (Entry 164)! Love this idea. I LOVE the title especially, because and has such an errie feel to it. This is a well done Urban Fantasy I would love to read it. Best of luck!

    @kosokoJackson
    Kosoko Jackson

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  10. Great premise and unique concept! Best of luck!

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  11. I'm super intrigued by the concept! Best of luck!

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  12. I love this. An edgy, evocative premise. Flowing prose. I wish you the best of luck with the contest.
    Connie

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  13. Here's our special video message from #TeamCoffeeHouse

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  14. Hi Jennifer!

    I think it's safe to say that Brenda, Kim, & I (#TeamCoffeeHouse) were completely HAUNTED by your entry. Evil grandmas plus crazy sister dynamics? YES PLEASE! Your entry sparked from the second we read the first line until the very end. We know you have something special about you, so we would love to invite you to join #TeamCoffeeHouse.

    The three of us know we can offer you solid support and notes and would love to introduce you to our actual online "coffee house" of previous contest alumni who are also authors willing to give you advice on your entry as well.

    If you want to know a little more about who we are as #TeamCoffeeHouse, we have a little video message for you (see next comment or check SPAM filter of your blog in case it gets lost).
    We know your future is bright and hope we can be a part of your author journey. Now the only question is, do you pick us?

    Congrats & wishing you all the best!
    Nikki, Brenda, and Kim

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    1. Yes! I want to work with you! Thank you! Excited and looking forward to whatever comes next. Is this reply the proper place to say yes? Or Twitter? Or somewhere else? Confused, and over caffeinated, but definitely looking forward! Thank you!

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    2. This was the right place to reply. And we're so excited to have you on the team!! More instructions coming soon.

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  15. Hello, Jennifer. We're so happy to have you on Team Coffeehouse! Could you please send your query, 1st three chapters, and a synopsis (if you have one) to brendadrakecontests(at)gmail(dot)com? When we receive your email, we'll send further instructions and add you to our Facebook group page. Thank you!

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    1. So excited to be part of Team Coffeehouse! Thank you! Will be sending query, chapters and synopsis tonight.

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